Who Wants To Date Shah Rukh Khan?

Shah Rukh's played the loser lover, the obsessed lover and the cutesy lover, the last one a bit too long. We have new ideas.
Shah Rukh turns 38 this Sunday (Nov 2). Aziz Mirza, Aditya Chopra and Karan Johar might have made the superstar the most lasting lover of his generation, but the most brilliant act loses its charm if repeated too often. So, we put our brains together to figure out what lover Shah Rukh would play if two of Bollywood's wackiest directors – Ram Gopal Varma and Kaizad Gustad – were to cast him. Here's the screenplay.[Continued...]
Shah Rukh plays himself, the star lover. Bollywood's No. 1 star is tired of his lover boy image. A news channel on the brink of closure wants to resurrect itself. It approaches the star for a reality show, the Indian version of Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire? It's an offer he can't refuse -- Rs 50 crores to date the show's winner.

Ten aspirants are shortlisted out of two lakh applicants. The winner is Anokhi, played by the latest Varma find, model Shivani Kapur. A girl-next door, she packs in quite a punch -- subtle sexiness, a babe-in-the-woods innocence, the style of a high flier and the wit of a stand-up comedienne. The star-struck collegian will spend eight hours with the hero.

Shah Rukh is bang on time at 10 a.m. at a five-star coffee shop for the date. But she is nowhere in sight. His jaw starts hurting with the fake smile as he signs autographs. The phone rings. It's the show's producers. They tell him Anokhi will make it by 11. His patience has worn out when she arrives wiping her brow, in anticipation or in anxiety, he doesn't know. She is unapologetic, but he is no longer angry. He doesn't know why.

Anokhi has bunked her college for the date she wouldn't dream of when high on cocaine. Now that she is here, her fantasy vehicle has come to a screeching stop. Shah Rukh is not the Raj or Rahul, whose dimpled charm could swipe you off your stilts. He is Shah Rukh the star – more brazen than Bush and more boring than Kaizad Gustad's Boom.

He tries to break the ice; she wants to break her head. It's not even lunch time and the damsel in distress wants to call it a day. She excuses herself, leaving him wondering. No one – not Yash Chopra, not Subhash Ghai -- no one has walked out on Shah Rukh. The only person, who did that once, is now his wife.

As he battles with the biggest snub of his life, the camera crew for the show arrive. The show has to go on. Anokhi refuses their pleas. Shah Rukh goes on the air, turning on his charm to woo her. This time it's Shah Rukh the lover, and Anokhi can't say no.

His distraught wife, who was dating the hottest Bollywood director on the sly, finds the perfect time to walk out on Shah Rukh. He's a free bird now, only the trap is different. The show earns the exclusive telecast rights to the wedding of Anokhi and Shah Rukh. It would be a private affair with only a 1,000 guests. For once, Shah Rukh will dance for free at a wedding, since this one's his own.